_Marr!age*_

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together. James H. Boren


A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. Michel de Montaigne


A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. Honore de Balzac


A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted. Helen Rowland


A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. John Steinbeck


A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. Zsa Zsa Gabor


A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing. W. Somerset Maugham


A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. H. L. Mencken


A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. Joey Adams


A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Mignon McLaughlin


A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. Paul Sweeney


A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. Grace Hansen


All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble. Raymond Hull


Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage. Sydney J. Harris


Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences. Isadora Duncan


Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too. H. L. Mencken


Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens? Alan King


Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him. Marilyn Monroe


Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left. Jean Kerr


Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. Ambrose Bierce


Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. Henny Youngman


Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without. James C. Dobson


Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do. Zsa Zsa Gabor


He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. Mae West


How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being. Oscar Wilde


I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all. Lord Byron


I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it. Lyndon B. Johnson


I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner


I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars, would sign over half to me, and guarantee that he'd be dead within a year. Bette Davis


I've been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out. Lee Grant


If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love. Michel de Montaigne


If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping. Mignon McLaughlin


If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books. Alan King


If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. Katharine Hepburn


In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. Robert Anderson


In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar - a practice which is still continued. Helen Rowland


It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being. Benjamin Disraeli


It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's separating himself from all the others. Helen


It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. Robert Frost


Love is often the fruit of marriage. Moliere


Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage. Ambrose Bierce


Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. Stephen Leacock


Marriage - a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose. Beverley Nichols


Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she's a householder. Thornton Wilder


Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner. Charles Caleb Colton


Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. Mae West


Marriage is a mistake every man should make. George Jessel


Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? Groucho Marx


Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. Billy Connolly


Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. Gilbert K. Chesterton


Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open. George Bernard Shaw


Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night. St. Jerome


Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. Irwin Corey


Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers. Alan King


Marriage is not about age; it's about finding the right person. Sophia Bush


Marriage, a market which has nothing free but the entrance. Michel de Montaigne


Marriage, like money, is still with us; and, like money, progressively devalued. Robert Graves


Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two. Ambrose Bierce


Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage". Herbert Spencer


Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. Josh Billings


Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. H. L. Mencken


Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner


More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. Doug Larson



My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates


Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you. Jean Rostand


Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake. Elbert Hubbard


Never get married in the morning - you never know who you might meet that night. Paul Hornung


No man is regular in his attendance at the House of Commons until he is married. Benjamin Disraeli


No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single. H. L. Mencken


On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple falling in love after marriage, but on close examination it will be found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable. Emma Goldman


One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. Judith Viorst


One should believe in marriage as in the immortality of the soul. Honore de Balzac


Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman. Joseph Joubert


Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. Groucho Marx


Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. Katharine Hepburn


Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. H. L. Mencken


The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less. Brendan Behan


The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly. Peter De Vries


The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep. A. P. Herbert


The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.