_ColleGe*_

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary



A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in the students. ~John Ciardi



Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates. ~Abbott Lawrence Lowell



A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. ~Theodore Roosevelt



If you have a college degree you can be absolutely sure of one thing... you have a college degree. ~Author Unknown



If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you. ~Robert Goheen, Time, 23 June 1961



It takes most men five years to recover from a college education, and to learn that poetry is as vital to thinking as knowledge. ~Brooks Atkinson, Once Around the Sun, 1951



A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep. ~W.H. Auden



The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth which it prevents you from achieving. ~Russell Green



A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B. ~"Fats" Domino



Fathers send their sons to college either because they went to college or they didn't. ~L.L. Hendren



College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night? ~David Wood



A liberal education... frees a man from the prison-house of his class, race, time, place, background, family and even his nation. ~Robert Maynard Hutchins



Does college pay? They do if you are a good open-field runner. ~Will Rogers



A college education shows a man how little other people know. ~Thomas Chandler Haliburton



The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another. ~J. Frank Dobie



I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's. ~Alex Karras



The primary purpose of a liberal education is to make one's mind a pleasant place in which to spend one's leisure. ~Sydney J. Harris



College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture. ~Elbert Hubbard



College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. ~George Gobel



A liberal-arts education is supposed to provide you with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas, not a job. ~Caroline Bird



I learned three important things in college - to use a library, to memorize quickly and visually, to drop asleep at any time given a horizontal surface and fifteen minutes. ~Agnes DeMille, Dance to the Piper, 1952



The new appears as a minority point of view, and hence is unpopular. The function of a university is to give it a sanctuary. ~Martin H. Fischer



I have a degree in liberal arts. Do you want fries with that? ~Author unknown, as seen on a T-shirt



Hitler destroyed the German university with design; we destroyed ours without. ~Martin H. Fischer



No man should escape our universities without knowing how little he knows. ~J. Robert Oppenheimer



The purpose of primary education is the development of your weak characteristics; the purpose of university education, the development of your strong. ~Nevin Fenneman



I am not impressed by the Ivy League establishments. Of course they graduate the best - it's all they'll take, leaving to others the problem of educating the country. They will give you an education the way the banks will give you money - provided you can prove to their satisfaction that you don't need it. ~Peter DeVries



Standardization is the fertilizer of college education. A little may be useful, but flowers do not grow in pure manure. ~Martin H. Fischer



The purpose of a liberal education is to make you philosophical enough to accept the fact that you will never make much money. ~Author Unknown



The elective system offered a bewildering freedom of choice, leaving some graduates with the impression that they had nibbled at dozens of canapés of knowledge and never had their fill. ~Ted Morgan



The quality of a university is measured more by the kind of student it turns out than the kind it takes in. ~Robert J. Kibbee



A place where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed. ~Robert G. Ingersoll



A university is a college with a stadium seating over 40,000. ~Leonard L.